Darnk: One of the Eleven Kingdoms. Homeland of Jason Cosmo. Darnk is poor in resources, devoid of cultural attainments and utterly lacking in martial might. The land is unpleasant to visit and even less pleasant to live in. Poorest and most backward of the Eleven Kingdoms. Elsewhere, Darnk and its inhabitants are the subjects of a popular form of humor known as the Darnker Joke.

DARNK

Capital: Ordure

Government: Monarchy

Ruler: King Fecal IV

Population: Sickly

Non-Human:

Resources: Turnips, fungus, lead, mercury, arsenic

Currency: Skank (Darnk is on the lead standard).

Slavery: No

Fun Facts

• Magic is illegal in Darnk, on penalty of death.
• Darnk is sometimes called the "Armpit of Arden".
• Notable Darnkites include Jason Cosmo. And also ... no, that's about it. 

Geography

Located north by northeast of and upstream from Brythalia along the River Longwash. Darnk's forests are full of warped, stunted, knotty trees. Its barren hills are devoid of gold, iron, gems or other valuable minerals. Darnk's slime-sodden lakes and ponds swarm with snakes and toads, while the fungus-clogged rivers and streams are distinguished by the sludgy quality of their greenish-brown water.

Climate

The summers are hot and the winters cold. The sky is usually cloudy. Even on a good day, the air is rank and foul, thick with dust and clouds of stinging insects.

Economy

Darnkites raise pigs, chickens and goats, but not in abundance, for the herds were frequently decimated by pestilence or wild dogs. Darnk grows several varieties of turnip, which the inhabitants pickle, cure and brew into rutabaga beer. The harvest is invariably poor.

Trade with the outside world is limited, as Darnk has very little that anyone else wants. Each spring a small caravan of shifty-eyed peddlers comes up from Brythalia with a load of castoff and defective goods to trade in the junk market at Offal

The national currency is the dreck, a practically worthless lead coin. Of even less value is the wooden skank. With much cajoling, one might possibly exchange a bag of drecks for goods or services in neighboring Brythalia. But nobody outside Darnk will take a worthless skank.

Military

Darnk has no military to speak of. It doesn't need one as, again, no one in their right mind would actually invade Darnk, nor is there anything there worth fighting over.

History

Darnk was once a pleasant and beautiful kingdom known as the "Jewel of Arden" until the land was cursed by the evil sorcerer Gorgibund the Ghastly. It is as a result of this calamity that all practice of magic is banned in Darnk.

Principal Settlements

Cities:

• Ordure
• Offal

Towns:

• Whiteswab

Villages:

• Burping Springs
• Cabbagerot
• East Yokelum
• Hackscribble (Hack)
• Lower Hicksnittle
• Picknoodle

• Sludgemump
• Sloshwoggle
• Snitgristle (Snit)
• Snotwhistle
• Snotwhopper (Snot)
• Stenchwillow
• Stinkyrot

• Toadsuck
• Toadwhistle

Principal rivers:

• River Backwater
• River Cesswiddle
• River Grimewuddle
• River Longwash